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Si hay algo que pesa en esta vida, que no se olvida, y se convierte en un peso muerto, que cargas para siempre, son todas esas ocasiones, que consciente o inconscientemente, lastimaste a las personas que más quieres, eso, eso en verdad pesa.
Obvio, duele más cuando lastimas a otra persona de forma consciente, y todas esas veces que gritaste, fuiste cruel o hiriente, solo porque querías lastimar a la otra persona, ya sea porque querías que se sintiera tan mal como tú o porque no sabías cómo lidiar con los sentimientos de enojo, eso duele mucho, es como una tortura, que de vez en cuando aparece en tu mente, para atormentarte con los recuerdos, con lo que hiciste y con lo que dijiste.
Lamentablemente, esto es parte del proceso de vivir, y una vez escuche, algo alarmante, pero cierto, y es que son las personas que más quieres y a las que más quieres, a las que lastimarás profundamente, cuál es la lógica, sigo procesándola y tratando de descubrir cómo se puede herir a lo más querido, sigo sin respuestas, pero puedo corroborar, que sí, sucede, y sin quererlo, a veces lastimas a las personas que quieres.
Pero es parte de la vida, y es parte de madurar, de crecer, aprender a ya no hacerlo y vivir con los recuerdos tormentosos de haberlo hecho.
Y últimamente a mí viene, uno de esos momentos, en los que fui descaradamente mala, y lastime a alguien a quien adoro con todo mi corazón, en retrospectiva veo que lo hice por infantil y por no saber cómo lidiar con mis sentimientos, pero el precio de ser infantil, es muy alto, y no porque la contraparte me recuerde lo que hice, sino porque yo misma, me torturo con ese flashback mental de haber lastimado a alguien a quien quiero mucho.
Por qué lo hacemos, mmmm, no lo sé, supongo que la respuesta fácil es que somos humanos, y decir “soy humano” es la panacea de las disculpas, como un médicamente genérico para el alma que nos condona de nuestras acciones.
Ahora, puede ser que la otra parte nos disculpe, pero el verdadero problema por herir y lastimar a los que más quieres, es que la disculpa de uno, nunca llega.
Ese es el verdadero problema, que perdonarse de forma interna, olvidar eso que hiciste, que dijiste, no es posible, y tu consciencia, mucha o poca, te recuerda aquello que los demás perdonan, pero tú no puedes perdonar, ni olvidar.
Bloguera de hueso colorado desde el 2008. Porqué siempre hay algo que decir yes@elblogdeyes.com
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