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Momento, por favor.
Te aseguro como siempre, que tengo bajo la manga un genial punto digno de debatirse JAJAJAJAJA.
Ya sé que no quieres oír/leer todas mis extrañas psicopatologías y desdoblamientos de personalidad. Pero en verdad creo que está mal ocultarles a tus amigos todos tus defectos y extraños hábitos y decir que eres increíble cuando esa premisa se opone a la esencia humana; porque así desde un principio saben que compran un producto defectuoso que no promete mil maravillas, que no cura el cáncer, que no alivia la depresión, que no quita la obesidad, que no elimina la celulitis, que no rejuvenece ni quita las patas de gallo.
De esa forma la gente compra un producto real, humano, tangible con errores, fallas y defectos que siempre es susceptible a mejoras, que siempre se reinventa y busca medianamente la satisfacción de los nichos de mercado a los que ataca y que lo que promete es verídico y comprobable.
Pero lo más importante según mi punto de vista, es que no se van a decepcionar (ó eso espero) por comprar algo que no es, en fin (como repito esa frase “en fin”, ¿será mi muletilla personal o mi forma de suspirar convertida en palabras? [¿se pueden usar signos de pregunta entre paréntesis y luego corchetes como formulas matemáticas ó ya me estoy alucinando en la redacción?]
LO QUE VES ES LO QUE COMPRAS. Claro, siempre aprendo algo nuevo y me gusta corregir mis babosadas, mis locuras y mis malas ondas. Porque no me gusta ser OGT a propósito.
Te lo dije desde un principio. Soy una lunática con muchos defectos pero con mil virtudes. Mi nivel de deschavetes es directamente proporcional a mi nivel de espontaneidad. No todo es malo, acompañado de las letras chiquitas viene en capitulares que tengo muchas cosas buenas. Pero normalmente hablo de más de mis aspectos obscuros, puede ser que este mal. Seguro es un hecho. En algún momento pudiese decir de mi misma que soy la peor persona del mundo, pero no lo creo simplemente soy muy visceral y hablo porque tengo boca que a veces no está coordinada con mi cerebro, pero creo que tengo una estima alta que raya en lo ególatra.
Bien quiero hablarte un poco de mi Myster Hyde
Hay momentos en la vida en las que de un momento a otro y sin previo aviso, bueno sí, me transformo en un ser irracional, ilógico e intratable. Se me tuerce la boca, se me salen los ojos, me explotan las venas, me jorobo y me pongo verde; esos son signos de que viene Myster Hyde a portarse mal. Y corre porque te advierto que soy súper infantil y molesta.
La recomendación general es correr, ignorarme, darme el avión, unas zarandeadas.
Pero como te lo digo, si entro en razón puedo ser bastante comprensible, sensible y reconocer que hice mal; y procuro siempre no repetir ese error en mi comportamiento.
Ahora mis defectos más molestos (te los voy a decir, para que me tengas un poco de paciencia) es que suelo sacar conclusiones apresuradas y totalmente erróneas; puede ser una palabra, un movimiento corporal o la ausencia de algo e inmediatamente mi cerebro dice “UY, te esta echando mala onda” “te está diciendo vete a la hamburguesa” y cosas por el estilo ESTÁ MAL lo sé. No prometo nada pero voy a dejar de sacar conclusiones e interpretaciones de un simple “HOLA” porque no hay ninguna intención oculta de tras de él.
A veces puedo ser muy insegura y reflejar esto con mis acompañantes a un punto molesto, pero se me pasa rápido y más si viene acompañado de un sape y un “no manches, no seas EMO”
Tengo más pero no me acuerdo de ellos LOL.
Ahora que con unas buenas cachetadas guajoloteras agarro el pedo y si me pasa lo EMO, lo enojada, lo emberrinchada, lo babas, etc. y como si nada.
Es el turno de mí Dr. Jekyll
Si bien tengo muchas cosas malas, también tengo un par de virtudes que son muy grandes y hablan mucho de mi calidad humana.
El estar completamente loco, tiene sus ventajas ya que te permite un nivel muy elevado de despreocupación, dosis altas de originalidad y espontaneidad (conmigo nunca estarás aburrido, te lo firmo y te lo garantizo), nunca sigo planes (los trazo, pero no lo sigo ya que pá mi son guías y nada más) soy soñadora empedernida, curiosa innata de la vida, desfachatada, honesta, leal, con un instinto muy fuerte que me dice adonde dirigir mis pasos a pesar de lo que la razón y el sentido común digan.
Estar orate te permite una capacidad de introspección y abstracción increíble aun rodeada de docenas de personas. Si bien soy consciente de los protocolos sociales, a veces no los sigo porque son más paradigmas que otra cosa. Creo que soy algo interesante, bueno mucho; a pesar de que se que me falta aprender mucho sobre cultura general siempre tengo algo que decir y es algo relevante.
Bien mi cerebro funciona “mal” ó diferente al cerebro promedio. Mis tornillos faltantes hacen que las conexiones y procesos mentales sean diferentes, pero en muchos casos es divertido. Te aseguro que conforme pasan los días analizo lo que está mal de mí y trato de modificarlo, que no siempre de buenos resultados en los testeos es otro boleto. Pero lo intento.
Para hacernos un favor te he preparado un manual para saber cómo manejarme:
Manual de uso de “YES”
Este homo ludens llamado Yes afectuosamente es sumamente visceral, temperamental y explosivo, recomendamos evitarse y de no ser posible esto, tratarse con cuidado ya que es y será completamente impredecible y explosiva.
Al ser tratada correctamente, puede ser muy dócil, gentil, cariñosa y detallista.
Es importante al estar frente a este espécimen tener cuidado en los tonos de voz, lenguaje corporal y miradas. Es de vital valor circunstancial no mostrarle miedo ni titubeos en el actuar. Una voz fuerte con una orden normaliza su comportamiento y la hace entrar en razón.
Normalmente ella suele ser muy receptiva a los tonos de voz fuertes, reiterativos, que le ordenan acción inmediata “deja eso” “pórtate bien” “afuera”.
En caso de berrinche:
1. Mirarla a los ojos con firmeza, es importante sostenerle la mirada hasta que retroseda.
2. Ser fuerte en el lenguaje corporal
3. Ordenar un comportamiento adecuado
4. Autoritariamente decirle “pórtate bien, Yesica mala”
5. Palmearle la cabeza cuando se obtenga el comportamiento adecuado y premiarla con un juguete.
En caso de ausencia mental:
1. Tratar de recuperar su conciencia con un tema sobre cine, comida o tema incomodo de índole sexual.
2. Chasquear los dedos y decirle “tierra a luna, conteste”
3. Un buen par de bofetadas bien puestas.
En caso de tristeza ó melancolía
1. Nada mejor que un abrazo
2. Hacerle sentir que es apreciada
3. Darle un beso y una palmadita.
4. Decirle que la cago, pero hasta después de mostrarle afecto. A pesar de que haya cometido alguna idiotez.
Seguro yo podría ser digna de un documental de NatGeo, en el que estudiosos de la vida salvaje intenten predecir o intentar entender mi comportamiento errático y enigmático, pero te lo aseguro no hay nada de tras de él. Soy más simple de lo que aparento.
Bloguera de hueso colorado desde el 2008. Porqué siempre hay algo que decir yes@elblogdeyes.com
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