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En el calor de la batalla se hacen, pero, sobre todo, se dicen muchas cosas, así que, es súper probable que se puedan decir muchas cosas MUY INTENSAS cuando estas discutiendo con alguien, y, de hecho, hay que tener en mente que el nivel de intensidad que pueden tomar los insultos, o los argumentos de una pelea, son directamente proporcionales al grado de confianza que se tiene con una persona.
¿Qué quiero decir?
Que entre más relación tengas con alguien, la confianza
que exista entre ambos, además del conocimiento sobre la otra persona, permitirá
que el nivel de insultos y ofensas sea muy alto.
Aunque bueno, cercanía no siempre significa que solo
seremos destructivos en las peleas que tenemos con nuestros cercanos, de hecho,
no, y hay montón de escenarios que pueden acalorarse a puntos en los que se
digan cosas hirientes, dolorosas o que pongan en peligro una relación.
Esos escenarios
son tan amplios como nuestras relaciones y se incluyen:
- Discutir con el jefe
- Declarar tu amor por alguien que no te
corresponde
- Cuando estas cobrando o recuperando algo
prestado
- Cuando hay diferencias ideológicas sobre política
o religión
En fin, creo que la única constante es que los humanos
somos seres bélicos, polémicos, que siempre queremos tener la razón; eso nos
lleva siempre enfrentamientos y a discusiones bizantinas en las cuales se puede
decir mucho, y aun cuando se gana la argumentación de la pelea, incluso ganando
terminas perdiendo, debido a todo lo que se dijo en ese momento de calor
emocional.
Así es como en un momento, en un desliz, en un descuido
puedes decirle a una persona algo completamente hiriente, algo que nunca se va
a borrar y que va a dañar tu relación con la otra persona. A veces las verdades
incomodas no dichas, pueden ser más dolorosas que cualquier golpe bajo.
Pero, a veces cuando discutimos, nuestro cerebro apaga el
sensor de la vergüenza, y esa brújula moral que nos hace evitar ciertos tópicos,
cuando se apaga ese sensor todo puede suceder; pero, lo malo, es que siempre
terminan esas peleas y solo nos queda enfrentarnos a la repercusión de nuestras
palabras.
¿Qué se hace en ese momento?, qué es lo que se hace
cuando a un amigo, un conocido, familiar, colaborador le vomitaste un sinfín de
verdades incomodas, ¿qué se hace?
Tuve un problema
con un amigo y dije muchas cosas que me gustaría aclarar ¿vale la pena hacerlo?
Sabes, en general creo que aclarar este tipo de confortamientos
para explicar lo que se dijo, solo hace que nos justifiquemos, y a menos que
sea una disculpa honesta, pero breve, fuera de eso toda la argumentación que se
haga posterior a una pelea o confrontación solo va a reafirmar los puntos
expuestos durante la pelea, lo cual va a generar una nueva discusión o que
ambas personas expresen de una forma más tajante sus diferencias.
Porque cuando queremos explicar o justificar lo que se dijo en el calor de un enojo, termina siendo redundante y avivando nuevamente esas emociones intensas.
La mejor manera para lidiar con este tipo de confrontaciones,
es, cuando tengas la culpa disculparte honestamente de forma breve, solo para
aclarar que sientes haber lastimado los sentimientos de otra persona, pero,
cuando se refiere a aclarar un tema, a volver nuevamente a explicar porque
dijiste o hiciste algo, lo único que va a hacer es que nuevamente vuelva a
generarse el conflicto y a revivir el conflicto.
La mejor solución para cuando tienes una confrontación
con alguien, es dejar que el tiempo aclara las emociones y los sentimientos de
ambos, y permitir que ese mismo tiempo permita que las cosas se calmen, para
que ambos redimensionen al tamaño real el conflicto.
Bloguera de hueso colorado desde el 2008. Porqué siempre hay algo que decir yes@elblogdeyes.com
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