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Sí, supongo que llega un punto en la vida adulta en que uno deja de ser un inmaduro despreocupado, aventurero y se comienza a preguntar ¿qué rayos estoy haciendo?, en serio, ¿Qué rayos?, supongo que esa pregunta siempre está a la espera de ser atendida, pero supongo nuevamente que llega un momento en que nos comienza a importar más de lo que nos gustaría admitir.
Supongo que aquellos tiempos en los que uno era irresponsable y nada absolutamente NADA era capaz de frenarnos o pesar lo suficiente en la moral como para prestarle atención a esa pequeña vocecilla molesta e intolerante que nos acosa diciendo “no hagas eso”, “no te juntes con aquel”, “no pienses tonterías”, “no es buena idea beberlo”, “no es buena idea comerlo”, “que ganas con ese mal viaje”, maldita sea, ¿esa voz estúpidamente prudente ha estado platicando con mi Mamá?, porque tanta mesura, porque tanta precaución, AH SÍ, porque los golpes van doliendo y pesando más con el paso del tiempo; y no es que es que nuestra madre haya grabado una serie de frases anti divertidas en nuestro subconsciente, no lo creo, más bien, como que de repente el costo de los errores nos van doliendo cada vez más.
Ahora resulta que el costo que hay que pagar por esa diversión que no es eterna, es incosteable.
Supongo que aquellas tardes en los que uno decía a sus padres al rato vengo y le valía pepinos llegar 10 horas después o no llegar sin avisar o llamar, chale este punto si está muy mal, digo cuando uno se la está pasando genial en una tarde-noche-madrugada increíble, no es que seamos desconsiderados y no llamemos solo por molestar, en serio, a qué clase de padre/tutor/responsivo se le ocurre pensar que uno no llama por desconsiderado, que acaso creen que ESTAMOS EN LA FIESTA Y PENSAMOS NO VOY A LLAMARLOS PARA QUE SE PREOCUPEN POR MI Y VER CUANTO ME QUIEREN, pues no, no avisamos porque estamos sumergidos en una ola de frenesí y diversión salvaje. Ah claro, ellos se preocupan de que nos haya pasado algo malo y estemos en la morgue, OH ESO ES. OOOHHHHH.
Finalmente esa voz madura comienza a significar algo, y empezamos a recordar comenzando la fiesta, maldita sea, en todo momento que no debemos llegar tarde, que es peligroso y comenzamos a evaluar con ojos extraños a nuestras malas compañías, aquellas que siempre estuvieron a nuestro lado para darnos consejos extremadamente divertidos pero muy malos, como si fuera algo que te carcome el alma saber que compartes tu tiempo con el enemigo; me pregunto cuando empiezan a importar esas cosas, que parte de nuestro cerebro se altero químicamente como para realmente pensar que todos nuestros actos tienen consecuencias, y que por una maldita vez en la vida es tiempo de pensar en lo mejor para nosotros mismos, dejando de lado lo divertido y peligroso.
Pensar en lo mejor para nosotros a largo plazo, versus estar contigo viviendo intensamente 5 minutos, para después terminar pensando maldita sea, chale, no vuelvo a malgastar mi tiempo así y no porque sea aburrido, sino por la cruda moral y todas las repercusiones extas.
Supongo que uno empieza a preguntarse si realmente vale la pena continuar esas locas amistades que lo invitan a desvelarse entre semana hasta las 6 am, si aquellos amigos que se la viven en problemas con una vida llena de adrenalina que de repente comienza a no ser tan excitante y llamativa, aquellos amigos que durante muchos años fueron un caótico y extravagante modelo de vida digno a imitarse y celebrar SIMPLEMENTE YA NO, ¿por qué yo cambie y ellos no? y es esa transición que puede obsesionar nuestros pensamientos entre dejarse ir o estar. Perpetuar patrones y relaciones “insanas” o cortar por las buenas y salud mental.
Supongo que voy a extrañar mucho tu mala compañía, supongo, a pesar de que fue muy breve y me quede con ganas, supongo que simplemente tengo que madurar, supongo que todo lo dicho por mi se resume a una extraña decepción, mientras lo dicho por ti se abrevia en un osado reclamo injustificado, en serio muy injustificado porque no importan las palabras sino los actos y nunca actuaste, normalmente era yo ejecutando tus locas ideas o tomando la iniciativa.
Es momento de dejar de lado las malas compañías, supongo que lo que te dije se metió fuerte y profundo en tu cabeza porque sabes que es cierto, supongo que te duele; mientras yo te aprecio y me resigno a olvidar las imprudencias que me compartías, escucho tus reclamos desesperados para no pasar del olvido al no me acuerdo.
Ojala llegue pronto ese no me acuerdo.
Pero es el momento de dejar de suponer y actuar en función de lo que es mejor para uno, para mí. Y no estoy diciendo que dejare de arriesgarme y volar alto, simplemente creo que es momento de dejar de pensar en malas compañías, noches divertidas y los asaltos a la razón. Porque a pesar de lo divertidos que estos sean, la cruda moral simplemente ya no me deja.
Bloguera de hueso colorado desde el 2008. Porqué siempre hay algo que decir yes@elblogdeyes.com
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