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No, solo fue una semana de mucho trabajo que se ha repetido por los últimos 4 meses dejándome sin tiempo para vivir de forma decente o tener vida social o siquiera contacto humano, pero no es algo que vaya a durar mucho más de 6 meses más o ¿tal vez sí?
A lo mejor la respuesta es que yo busco compulsivamente de ocuparme para evitar preocuparme por las cosas que me faltan y no me refiero a las cosas materiales o al pago de deudas o cuentas, yo trabajo para no pensar en que me falta algo, me entretengo tanto y haciendo tantas cosas todo el tiempo, para por las noches quedarme sin aliento y dormirme sin pensar en nada, para no tener un minuto al día para escuchar las dudas y confusiones de mi vida, trabajo como loca desde que me paro hasta que me duermo, no por ser workaholic, lo hago para no estar de ociosa y darme cuenta que estoy sola.
Sí, la palabra es: sola, refiriéndome a una vida amorosa con alguien real, que no sea mi perro moviéndome la cola, estoy sola refiriéndome a la parte de que descuide mis amistades cuando buscaba sentirme útil profesionalmente hablando, tratando de no volverme loca o deprimirme, para mí la solución lógica fue trabajar, leer, escribir, hacer algo útil que me evitará enfocarme en lo negativo.
Si bien se dice mucho por ahí, y por ahí me refiero a desde mi casa hasta los confines del internet que yo soy una ociosa y que nunca hago nada, como los merolicos o mejor dicho procastinadores, parece que hacen y saben mucho, pero básicamente no, yo a diferencia de ellos si trabajo, aunque no lo parezca.
Hago tantas cosas y me involucro en tantos proyectos que termina siendo exhaustivo; pero en este punto de la vida si dejo de hacerlo en busca de tiempo, entonces me quedo con la sensación de que perdería mi identidad, perdería quien soy yo ahora y pensar en ser la Yesica del pasado me asusta mucho y pensar buscar a otra Yesica me asusta un poco menos.
¿Qué sería de mí, si dejará de hacer aquello que me define?, la verdad me asusta pensarlo y recuerdo aquellos años en los que tenía mucho tiempo para disfrutar la vida, para salir con los amigos, para tener una relación, días en los que tenía tiempo pero no tenía con quien, así que tenía dos opciones, ver la tele hasta perder mis neuronas o distraerme con cualquier cosa para no recordar que en algunos aspectos de mi vida me siento realmente muy vacía.
Pero claro, tengo amigos, unos muy buenos y leales que a pesar de mi falta de tiempo y que siempre estoy haciendo algo, ahí siguen, pero entonces cuando tengo ganas de recordar que se siente tener una buena conversación con una amiga o un amigo, descubro que no tienen tiempo para mí o tal vez ganas, o tal vez también serán workaholics para evitar pensar en algo que les duele.
Pero repito, no es que yo sea workaholic, solo digo que sí a cualquier trabajo, proyecto, colaboración de cualquier índole con paga o sin paga, por el único gusto de hacerlo y aprender; además, evita que piense en aquellas cosas que me hacen mucha falta, como alguien a quien querer de forma recíproca.
Con el exceso de trabajo, sus logros y metas alcanzadas lleno otros vacíos, y sé de buena mano que estar con tiempo muerto puede ser fatal, por eso de que uno piensa muchas estupideces.
Bloguera de hueso colorado desde el 2008. Porqué siempre hay algo que decir yes@elblogdeyes.com
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