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El otro día tenía una larga conversación, de esas que son medio incómodas sobre la vida, sobre aceptarse a uno tal cual es y las locuras que se hacen para ser aceptado, y digo que la charla era medio incomoda, muy trascendental, pero muy incómoda porque suele ser difícil aceptar de forma objetiva, que duele ser alienado, que duele y mucho no ser parte de los demás, pero duele aún mucho más, traicionarte para sentirte integrado o que formas parte de algo.
No sé porqué, pero duele no ser parte de nada, y duele aún más, lo que haces para ser aceptado y no hablo de una total transformación, sino del cómo vas cediendo y olvidando eso que eres poco a poco, para que los demás te acepten de en una lenta transición.
Creo que esas cosas locas que hacemos para encajar con los demás y sentir que perteneces, son cosas incomodas que con el paso de los años, te hacen pensar que estas olvidando tus raíces; y si crees que esas son locuras que solo haces cuando eres chavito, estas un poco equivocado y toda la vida, en cualquier etapa, hacemos cosas locas, extremas y que van contra nuestra esencia, para ser aceptados; creo que poco a poco cedemos eso que somos, para lograr esa aceptación de nuestros círculos inmediatos y antes de darnos cuenta, nos hemos traicionado, hemos cambiado quienes somos para que alguien nos acepte, para que alguien nos permita entrar a su círculo, para tener amigos, para ser parte de algo, pero lo más loco, es que esas personas nunca nos aceptarán y nos recordarán siempre cada que puedan nuestras rarezas, excentricidades y el favor que nos hacen al dejarlas pasar; eso termina doliendo aún más que cualquier cosa.
Eso con el paso de los años duele, eso se hace incómodo y lo que uno hacía de adolescente para sentirse parte de algo, conforme pasan los años, se hace un patron y nos vamos modificando, para ser como los chicos cool, y puede ser que ya seas un adulto treintón y sigues queriendo ser como esas personas, porque creemos que los chicos cool son exitosos y la vida siempre les sonríe, tienen amigos y un éxito innegable; pero creo que esa forma de medir la vida o el éxito puede ser un error y un parámetro no muy confiable.
No sé, algo así como lo que hacía Homero para ser parte de un grupo de niños que no aceptaba Homeros, pasaron los años y después quería ser parte del grupo de los magios, porque siempre queremos ser como las personas cool, esas a las que parece no importarles nada, ni siquiera ser aceptados, mientras los demás nos esforzamos y mucho, por serlo, ellos parecen tranquilos, distantes, mamones y lejanos no importandoles nada.
Tal vez esa sea la clave, que no te importe si encajas o no.
Yo nunca quise ser como los chicos cool, entendía y aceptaba todas mis rarezas, todas esas cosas que me hacían edición limitada, y única, alguien que nunca jamás se repetiría, eso me gustaba, así que mientras a nadie le importaba ser mi amigo, y a nadie le importaba conocerme, yo solita iba entendiendome, iba comprendiendome y me repetía una verdad, o tal vez una mentira, no me importaba ser como los niños cool, y podía pasar mucho tiempo sola, sola con mis pensamientos y aquella necesidad loca por encajar iba desapareciendo.
Así que yo podía estar completamente sola y aislada, al principio si sentía feo, pero sabía que nunca, nunca, nunca, pero nunca jamás en la vida podría ser como los chicos cool, ni siquiera emulandolos o tratando de pasar como uno de ellos, fumando, bebiendo, o haciendo cosas de niño cool, yo nunca sería cool; así que nunca trate de encajar, nunca hice mucho por ser como los chicos cool y deje de intentarlo, deje de ver a esas personas cool y deje de decir:
Quisiera ser como los chicos cool Porqué sabía que nunca lo sería, así que cuál era el sentido de intentar, cuál era el sentido de traicionarme, cual era el sentido de mirar a esas personas con estilo que imponen moda y dicen cómo son las cosas.
Y creo que me ha ido muy bien, no tratando de ser parte de los chicos cool, porque cuando deje de intentar encajar, encaje, extraña moraleja, pero en el momento que deje de intentar ser como las personas cool, me convertí en una, esas personas a las que nada les importa, en un sentido honesto y auténtico, esas personas que son felices siendo como son.
Mi consejo es, nunca intentes ser como las personas cool, solo se tú mismo y cuando lo hagas, te convertirás en eso que siempre has querido ser, en alguien cool, y te lo dice otra persona que ahora es cool y le vale madres serlo.
Bloguera de hueso colorado desde el 2008. Porqué siempre hay algo que decir yes@elblogdeyes.com
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