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El otro día que estaba yo, bastante feliz, recordé un viejo recuerdo, algo estaba haciendo yo que disparo en mi mente una cadena de pensamientos que me llevo a un momento triste de la vida, esas cosas que recuerdas y te hacen sentir infeliz, miserable y que la vida es un literal asco, y lo más extraño es que yo estaba bastante feliz y un recuerdo, solo un triste recuerdo de alguien que me hizo algo “ogt” en la vida, me hizo pensar que la vida apesta, que en nadie se puede confiar y que todos tarde o temprano te decepcionan.
Lo sé, bastante fatalista esa forma de reaccionar y ahora que analizo el recuerdo, ni era para tanto, es un simple recuerdo de alguien que me menosprecio en la infancia, pero ¿por qué me afecto tanto en ese momento?, ¿por qué me sigue afectando?, ¿por qué sigue volviendo el recuerdo de algo tan insignificante, ¿por qué?
Bien, me parece un análisis muy interesante el cómo permitimos que los recuerdos se conviertan en emociones y estas nos afecten, porque algo que sucedió hace más de 20 años puede seguir afectándome, poniéndome mal o haciendo que pierda la fe en los demás, porque tienen ese efecto o poder los recuerdos y lo más interesante, cual es el parámetro por el cual ciertas cosas se almacenan en nuestra mente para siempre, cosas que aparentemente no tienen importancia se almacenan y otras se olvidan, ¿por qué?
Tal vez tenga que ver de nuevo Intensa-Mente para encontrar la clave de cómo funcionan los recuerdos, los pensamientos y las emociones.
Porque a mí me basto un recuerdo muy tonto, de esas veces que cualquiera que escuchará mi anécdota diría: “wey, supéralo ya tienes 33 años”, pero un solo recuerdo me hizo sentir mucha tristeza, pero ¿qué fue lo que recordé o que me hizo sentir tan mal?, pues mi recuerdo triste es cuando una niña se burló de mi por traer pegamento genérico y no Resistol.
Eso me hizo recordar la tristeza que experimente, la tristeza de no ser aceptada, de no encajar y ni siquiera tener dinero para comprarme un Resistol, que, si lo pienso ahora, es algo tonto y si alguien se burla de mi por usar cosas genéricas, pues no pasa nada, pero de niño me hizo sentir muy mal y ese recuerdo regreso a mí, para hacerme sentir igual de mal.
Y lo mismo me ha pasado con otros recuerdos de experiencias tristes o que me impactaron, y extrañamente se graban más los recuerdos malos, que los buenos, pero ¿por qué?
Porque nos negamos a olvidar
Pero lo más interesante es porque nos negamos a olvidar y estamos recordando siempre, como si fuese la proyección de una película, que de forma personal se reproduce siempre, en serio, porque nos negamos a olvidar.
Entiendo perfectamente que no olvidemos las cosas felices o los momentos claves de nuestra vida, pero siempre terminan diluyéndose y es en momentos de tristeza cuando los recuerdos tienen una mayor validez y una gran importancia en nuestra vida.
Y dicen los que saben, principalmente los historiadores que nunca deberíamos olvidar nuestra historia, porque olvidando podemos repetir los mismos errores; pero a veces los recuerdos y las memorias se convierten en nuestra cárcel, en una prisión de la que nunca se puede salir y ellos son nuestros carceleros recordándonos siempre lo que alguna vez fue.
Tal vez por eso nos gusta olvidar y tal vez por eso, los humanos nos caracterizamos por olvidar, porque esa es la única manera de hacernos libres, aunque corramos el gran riesgo de volver a hacer lo mismo, pero al olvidar, solo por un momento podemos ser libres.
Extrañamente nos negamos a olvidar y seguimos atesorando esos recuerdos, buenos o malos, que no nos dejan ir.
Bloguera de hueso colorado desde el 2008. Porqué siempre hay algo que decir yes@elblogdeyes.com
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