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Decir: No me tocaba es la mejor filosofía para lidiar con el fracaso.
De verdad, cada que algo no es como lo esperas o algo no pasa, la forma más fácil para lidiar con todas las emociones del fracaso es repetirte y muy fuertemente:
No me tocaba
Aunque muy en el fondo sepas que te dices eso solo para sentirte mejor y deshacerte de ese horrible sentimiento de fracasado, una de las peores emociones humanas.
Realmente yo no sé cómo lidiar con el fracaso, digo, si no fuera por aquella vaga idea de que no me tocaba o no era mi momento yo me volvería loca. Creo que conforme creces y maduras aprendes a lidiar con todo el abanico de emociones humanas desde la ira, al rechazo y de regreso a la felicidad, bueno, ser feliz no cuesta nada de trabajo; pero conforme creces experimentas de todo y te haces más sabio, para ser capaz de aceptar o lidiar las emociones humanas de índole negativo.
Una de las emociones que a mí personalmente más me puede, me molesta, me encoleriza y no puedo controlar es el fracaso. La emoción más intranquilizante que puedo experimentar, la única sensación que me parece inconcebible, de hecho, tolero más el rechazo, desprecio y otras emociones negativas, todas son preferibles antes que experimentar el fracaso, el cual para mí no es opción.
De hecho en la vida, las pocas veces que actuó tan irracional, incontrolable y hasta berrinchuda y caprichosa es cuando experimento el fracaso, no pataleo, ni hago rabietas pero de alguna forma solo puedo reaccionar de forma inmadura y caprichosa ante esta experiencia humana.
O eso era antes, ahora tengo una forma más simple y sabia para lidiar con el fracaso o las cosas que no sucedieron como yo lo esperaba y la clave es pensar que eso no era para mí, no era el momento o no me tocaba.
Porque si no hiciera eso, entonces que me quedaría, pues sentirme frustrada experimentando las peores ideas, emociones y sentimientos siendo la única culpable de ese terrible sentimiento yo misma. Odiándome al máximo por la falta de capacidad, tenacidad, acción, actividad, inteligencia o que se yo; si no fuera porque de manera ingenua creo que no me tocaba, entonces no me quedaría otra cosa más que odiarme y culparme a mí, a Yesica Flores.
Eso es algo que no me voy a permitir, y menos por un error; ahora soy consciente que ser duro contigo mismo puede ser fatal y más en un mundo en el que la única persona que cree en ti, eres tú.
Por eso creo que no hay mejor filosofía de vida que pensar “no me tocaba”, aunque se bien que tal vez si me tocaba, pero esa duda razonable es apagada por otras voces en mi cabeza, como:
- Por algo no paso
- No te tocaba
- Se sumaron muchas cosas y tal vez todo fue por algo
A veces un simple plan que no salió puede ser considerado como un fracaso, yo no me considero una persona metódica, al contrario, creo ser bastante explosiva y con chispa; pero en mi cabeza cuando tengo una experiencia planeada o una aventura, si no sucede experimento un sentimiento de frustración y fracaso sumamente poderoso.
Un sentimiento capaz de volverme loca y este sábado lo experimente nuevamente, cuando un paseo de prensa a Jardines de México, no sucedió para mí.
Un evento que yo esperaba con muchas ansias, ganas y gusto, es más, hasta llegue temprano a la explanada de auditorio para no perdérmelo y yo llegue a las 3:25 cuando la cita era a las 3:30 para salir en punto de las 4 pm, sin embargo yo no fui.
Primero pensé que por imbécil y si solo hubiera llamado al contacto de prensa para ubicar el camión de salida, eso no hubiera pasado, estuve ahí sentada esperando como idiota mientras aquello que tanto había anhelado se me esfumada de las manos por pasiva, por esperar, por estar sentada inactiva, ahí sentada en el sol tratando de ubicar el camión mientas que mi actitud pasiva, pazguata y pusilánime, en pocas palabras estupidez me boicoteo y me hizo perderme algo que esperaba.
Por estúpida no fui, pero esperen un momento, solo un momento, por algo no paso, por algo el camión estaba escondido, por algo no pregunte a las personas del lugar, por algo no se me ocurrió pero nunca llamar por teléfono al número celular, por algo no fui, por algo solo se me ocurrió llamar hasta que el camión se había ido, por algo no paso, por algo más allá de mi control no fui.
Por algo no sucedió, simple y bien podría culparme a mí y pasármela muy amargada por algo, pero la vida es muy simple y corta para permitírmelo.
Tal vez señal del universo, tal vez mi estupidez propia, pero solo me queda pensar que no paso por algo más allá de mi entendimiento, pero tratare de recordar para la próxima vez que una actitud pasiva me puede costar mucho.
Bloguera de hueso colorado desde el 2008. Porqué siempre hay algo que decir yes@elblogdeyes.com
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